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par tum Desy ho na !

September 15, 2011

If you haven’t read http://localparty.tumblr.com/ please do that first. Fill in your time sheets later.  If you get to talk to him @localteaparty , please do talk to him. Gem of a person he is and is extremely funny. Inspired by his style of writing, I gave it a shot here. Of course the original style and wit are irreplaceable. 

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Dey NRI. What raa. You are buying my Izzat only. That too in front of all foreign people.  Did I travel all the way via stinking-dubai airport putting up with the smell of people eating sikkan fry with tomato chause and beer and burping on the face without washing mouth at 6 in the morning  in Fly emirates and jump into Europe for this ? What sin I did ? Did I rite TOEFL lyk dis ? All you peoples are going to US karke I came here. Being so few in number, here also you are selling our country only.

In meetings you are asking really stupid questions. You pay , you ask ,Ok. But when everyone laughs why you are telling ki ‘We Indians are like this only’.  Man, 28 year old European girl marry not marry what is your problem ? Why you telling her marry marry marry. You tell her ki ‘in India all girls of your age get married and have kids that go to school’. She asked you is it ? (At 46, Monica Belluci is wearing bikini in movies and doing sex scenes also. Your Indian actress can do that ?) From that time she is embarrassed to talk to Indians only.

In 8th standard if a boy and girl talk to each other too much means we tease them ‘aey aey aey’. Why you doing that here man.  A big Girl and big boy talk , make out , hang out, knock out, worn out hit out whatever out what goes for your father ? why you clapping hands and shouting aey aey aey. These foreign people think ki all Indians are Eunuchs only.

Passing Racist comments itself is wrong. You are teaching the meaning of your racist comments to all white foreign people only. Now I am not able to ask “Khaana Kha-liya” in front of them at all. How many  times you will tell ki ‘except West Indians and South Indians all Indians are white’ and laugh alone. Hearing this all European people are confused ki what is ‘white’. In an International community you are from a big country and have the Shahrukh khan means you will do anything is it ? From Pakistani to Nepali to North East Indians to South Indians to Bangladeshis to Srilankans you are pissing off everyone only. Why you do this God also dunno.

Man, “Dance as if no one’s watching” and all is Ok, but why you want me also to dance with you in all the parties. I don’t dance means I don’t dance. I can sit on couch drink beer and be happy aaram se. But you’re saying ki Iam very serious, not enjoying life at all. Not dancing means no enjoyment who said ? (In your logic, Sreesanth must be the most enjoying person of India.) First of all, you dance like a mad cow only, looking at you only I should become serious.  Second of all two dudes dancing together is totally uncool man. God Promise. Ask your father also. He will tell. You dance till your sweat stink for 8 districts, smooch everyone in dark irrespective of Age, sex, location and finally come back and tell a foreign girl ki In India if girls party like this means RSS, MNS etc will come and beat. This trivia is compulsorily important to tell is it ? Then you tell stories ki you and 10 guy friends always party all night and its not possible for a girl to come in between because you are too cool-rowdy-rockerzzz. Man, seriously, what will anyone of any age will think about us. Already Rahul Gandhi is unmarried, do you want the world to think ki all Indian males are Gay ?

Abbe oye Desi girl, you only. I appreciate ki you are trying hard to talk in foreign people slang. If it doesn’t come, leave it na. What is wrong with our Indian slang.  You make it sound so bad ki these people are asking whether you have some mouth problem or what. Tension is coming to me because you are making fun of other Indian’s slang in front of foreign people, while they are laughing at all of us. With your mouth you are bringing maut to our image. If you keep behaving like this how will anyone put line on you ?

And my dear Sawth ke log, if one project is over means sit simply.  Why are you forcing foreign engineers, professors etc to shout Gumthalakkadi gala gala? Why you tell lies ki it’s a part of Indian culture ? I mean WTF yaar.  They became very urgently angry. And I put a permanent Facepalm. Also please, please stop listening to movie songs loudly in public transport no ? You guys are also doing too much man. Then these Punjabis will make fun of us only no ? Already we have Sauce-Chaas problems with them.

There are so many atrocities you do ki my head goes baap re baap. I keep telling and you keep doing the same means severe problem only. I’m telling you !

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